Probably one of my funniest shows yet. A Man must have a code. Every Man. From the Beach, to the Boardroom, to the Ballroom, to the Bedroom. Regardless of the place, these man codes must be obeyed at all times.
Just as there are rules, laws and codes in the universe that give us stability and order. Well the same applies for these codes. They are your foundation for living as a man.
A son, now a middle aged adult, once asked his father, “Father, how will I ever find the right woman”. His father replied “Son Forget finding the right woman, focus on being the right Man.”
The father is right, and today were taking his advice and we are going to be focusing on what we may be doing wrong, Im going to be speaking on the common Man Code violations that I see a lot of younger guys committing these days. Though these violation may seem funny when told, but these are no laughing matter, this is serious business.
No one is teaching these young boys how to be Men. Now Im not tryna be ya Daddy, but today Ill let you call me Uncle Cosmo.
Get ready to laugh, get ready to have a good time, and get ready to get laced with some good game.
· This Man code is one of the foundational Man codes and should have been learned at a very early age, it states that Men dont have public shouting matches. We either fight, or shut up and go home.
· This Man code says that Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a beautiful woman that your homie is trying to hook up with is your sworn duty. This is your birth right. However, (heres the small print that’s printed beneath the code), Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the wilderbeast, your homeboi is forbidden to speak of it, and he cannot use it against you since you were doing it out of favor for him. Got that. This is one of the very few instances where A Man can blame another man.
· If a Man violates this Mancode, this could be grounds for punishment by death. If a man’s zipper is down, that’s his problem – you didn’t see shit’. You don’t ever speak on it. And If any man attempts to zip another man up, You may legally and lawfully kill him. Trust me, I read this in the constitution. Its in small print, you will get away with it.
· Unless you’re in prison, A Man never fights naked. Losing your shirt in a scuffle is one thing, but If a nigga loses his draws, fight over nigga! This is an automatic double disqualification!
· Talk up your homebois around other women. (This was one of my favorite things to do, I loved boosting my homebois up around other women).
· But around other guys you may do the opposite, Feel free to humiliate and talk shit about each other. That’s how we know we like each other lol.
· This Man Code is in the Man Code top 10, its actually a Man Code Commandment. Moses himself brought this down from mount sinai. Never, and I mean never, should a Man ride on the back of a motorcycle with a another man.
· Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing your homeboi, EXCEPT (heres another with the fine print) if she’s withholding sex pending your response. Meaning if she has threatened you saying that there will be no sex unless you side with her, then you take her side every-time. But this is no worry because your homeboi will understand why you did it. So you’re in the clear.
· The next Alpha Code violation to look out for, Unlocking a car door for another man is polite. but never should a homeboi Open another mans car door. Unlock–Polite. Open–Gay. If a nigga opens yo car door for you…WALK HOME! I don’t care if yo ass is in a foreign country. Dont get in that car.
· If your friend dies, delete his internet search history first, then mourn later.
· When you are questioned by a friends wife, girlfriend or anyone who is of relationship to him, you need not and shall not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. In fact, You are permitted to deny his very existence. I remember my homeboi in San Diego, he had went down to Mexico to stay and party for the weekend, because Mexico aint far from San Diego. From my house Tijuana wasn’t nothing but a 30 minute drive. His girl called me, And I don’t even know how she got my number, But she started asking me questions. Cosmo Have you seen Curtis? Curtis who? “Curtis your homeboi, this is stacy”. “Stacy who?” I caught amnesia in that bitch. She started huffing and puffing she was pissed but she got the picture real quick and hung up. She never called my ass again asking me of his whereabouts. Thats how you gotta be.
· Next Yall are probably tired of me saying this one, but I don’t give a damn, Men Don’t complain or whine about anything. If you got a problem, do something to fix it. Alpha Preneurs don’t complain, we provide solutions. Im gone keep saying it till this disease is cured.
· Every man should Read a goddamn book every once in a while.
· Every man should Own at least one suit.
· Every man should Repay his debts, no matter how old or how small. This is major, so many cats be borrowing money and never pay back. Cant stand you niggas.
· The next Man code states that, when you are attempting to go out anywhere with a women, You are required to wait at least 10 minutes. Women naturally take forever to get ready. Its Genetics, its not them.
But heres where you gotta pay attention, You wait an additional 5 minutes for every point of beauty that she scores on the 1-10 scale. Starting at a 7. Meaning, all 6’s and below only receive a maximum 10 minute wait. But if shes a 7 she’s allowed 15 minutes. An 8, 20 Minutes. A 9, 25 minutes. and a Dime…30 minutes!
When I was in Afrika I waited 30 minutes on this Ethiopian chick, it was her first time being with an American guy and she was as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. And I figured she was gonna take awhile, so I brought my journal with me. On all of my dates I bring my success journal with me Or a book. you gotta do the same
And heres another thing that I do, I either make the date earlier than I really want it to be. Or I might be an asshole and cut the date short.
Your controlling the date anyway, so you can cut the date short. So when chicks would make me wait, I would just cut the date short. I took her wait time out of our date time! I remember I went on a date with this chick in Chicago, I said it was time to go half way through the dinner, I made her leave half her plate on the table because she had made me wait 25 minutes. She was pissed but i didnt give a damn.
So with that, Lets take a break and go to a message from our sponsor.
· Next, This Man code violation is spreading rapidly and it must be stopped in its tracks right now. and it says No Man, should ever friend, follow, or subscribe to their favorite male porn star on social media! Any Man caught in Violation of this mancode, is liable to receive expulsion from the click. Permanently.
· Under no circumstances does a man bring a camera to a bachelor party. This is punishable by death. If you ever spot a Man with a Camera at a Bachelor party he shall be thought of as a traitor or a spy. probably both.
In addition, A Man never utters a word of what happened at the bachelor party: Consider it a code of silence or an oath of non-disclosure. NEVER EVER EVER EVER SAY WHAT WENT DOWN AT THE BACHELOR PARTY!
Ive been to the most ridiculous bachelor parties you could ever fathom, and im taking to the grave with me the events that took place there. Let me put it to you like this, if I ever divulge any bachelor party stories on any episode, or to you in person, I give you the permission and Alpha Authority to Assassinate me on sight. This is that serious. The implications of bachelor parties has the ability to destroy families. This must not be understated.
· No man should ever drop his homeboi off, and sit their in the car and wait till he gets in the house. If that nigga gets robbed mugged or shot then that’s on him. Thats none of your business. In no circumstance do you sit and wait for him to get in the door.
· When receiving any form of Punishment you keep your composure. Violation example: The high school Basketball star Tony Farmer who beat up his high School girlfriend like 3 yrs ago. They gave the nigga 3 yrs and he collapsed to the floor like he just received a life sentence. Get yo punk ass up! You hold your composure.
· At a wedding, An Alpha Male is barred from catching the Garter. I wouldn’t give a fuck if it hits you in the face or literally falls into your lap, you never make hand contact with the garter. EVER!
· Lastly, Any male who says “I don’t care about the Alpha Code is not an Alpha. Get him out of your circle immediately before you catch what he has…Bitchassness.